Go to content

Letter to


I don't know whether it was too much Christmas cheer or the book I gave Jerry on creative writing styles for beginners. Either way this very strange offering from the desk of Mr. Bilt welcomes in the New Year. Obviously 1996 will prove to be just as interesting as 1995.......The Editor

Ominous black clouds rolled swiftly but relentlessly over the ever blurring horizon. Driven by an urgency of purpose they scarcely understood themselves. Thundering ever onward toward the small fleet of fishing vessels already rocking and straining at their moorings.

The deep turquoise sea began to swell, more violently with each passing minute of the approaching storm.

Silent gulls hovered, barely flapping their wings as the inevitability of the impending tempest became apparent, even to them.

There was still a little time to seek refuge, but their voyeuristic tendencies had been aroused. For the moment they were content to watch from their vantage point high in the ever darkening sky.

A streak of lightning suddenly zigzagged it's way from the heavens, shaped like a luminous strand of colour in a slice of freshly cut blue vein cheese.

The thunder that followed almost immediately, rolled across the water like a runaway road train. A rummble at first, then growing into an intensity that shook the very core of one's existence. There was no escape from it's demand for attention, nowhere to turn from it's all consuming presence.

Early man must surely have considered this climatic demonstration of raw power, divine retribution for the trangression of some unwritten law, dictated by an enraged and awful diety.

Yes, that's right, my mother-in-law spent Christmas at my house.

If you think this is just the prelude to a series of politically incorrect jokes about the grandmother of my children, then I'm afraid you will be disappointed. Don't get me wrong. She has her good and bad points. The problem is that the only good point that comes to mind is the fact that she chooses to live interstate.

Now, you are probably thinking that this has very little to do with telephones. Well, I was looking at the extra receiver on my Swedish Ericsson and as you well know, the same item on a telephone is often referred to by many names. There is "extra receiver", "bull ring receiver", "secondary receiver" and, of course, "mother-in-law receiver" for example. In fact, there is some debate about whether the phone itself should be called a "Swedish", "Commonwealth" or "Scroll Ericsson".

Now I come to think of it, there is "switch hook" as opposed to "switch fork", the two are fairly interchangeable. Then there is "long pole receiver" and "outside terminal receiver", often abbreviated to "O.S.T. receiver". Another example is "candlestick telephone", "daffodil telephone" or "pedestal telephone", same horse, different jockey.

No wonder I get confused.

Till next time,


OH Dear! We actually have another name for Jerry, but I dare not print it here.

The Editor.

Back to content | Back to main menu