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Letter to


Dear Jerry,

Perhaps you could solve an argument for me. I reckon walnut (particularly Swedish backboards) enhance the flavour of meat when used as fuel for the BBQ. Me mate, Oygle swears that oak is best, whilst Bluey sez anything pre 1900 used with a meat marinade adds a "certain sumthin" that only Bernard King could put a finger to.

With spring approaching, with "it's BBQ weather and all", could you settle the score and sink your teeth into this argument so as to enlighten us as to which timber you prefer and why.


Dear Burnie,

How are Oygle and Bluey? I haven't heard from Oygle since they replaced the metal plate in his head with something made of Kevlar, developed by NASA I believe. And Bluey used to like going around setting fire to things. I remember he was quite keen on packing the backyard incinerator with Oleander clippings and then insisting on standing down wind. By the sound of your letter, I see they still haven't found the antidote.

Now to the matter at hand. I am reminded of that great philosopher who once said "The 'I' is silent as in looking, whilst the 'P' is silent as in bath, but beauty, on the other hand, is in the eye of the beholder." The same could be said for taste, but probably not in the state of Tasmania. This would also be true for Bernard King I should think. Maybe I'm confused about the source of the quote. It's possible it was written on the wall calender advertising surgical supplies at my basket weaving class. Either way, the point I'm getting at is this. Taste is purely subjective whilst what you have requested is an entirely objective opinion. Therefore, the question I put to you is this - "Does the BBQ exist at all if I don't believe in it's existence in the first place?"

Whilst you ponder this I'll let you off the hook. In a way all three of you are right, but what you all forgot is the importance of leaving all the wiring in place. I freely admit to not understanding the full properties of burning copper wire and insulation, but I can tell you it will give you "that certain something" that will last from one grand final to the next.

As a general rule though, I prefer to use anything of British origin, Ericsson, GEC, Peel Connor, etc., for chicken, fish and most other white meats. On the other hand red meat is enhanced greatly by the use of Scandinavian products, you know, JYDSK and anything that came out of Stockholm also works well. I personally think you can't go past a large juicy steak cooked over a blazing Stromberg-Carlson or Kellogg. You might like to use bakelite for potatoes cooked in 'alfoil' as it keeps out most of the toxic gases. I hope this clears up the argument for all of you. Must dash as I have to study for my blood test.



Jerry Bilt is the pen name of a well known Sydney based telephone collector. Any similarities between actual persons either living or dead is done entirely on purpose. You whistle and I'll point. Members wishing to write to Jerry for advice on telephone tips and modifications can write to Jerry, care of the Editor who will deliver them personally on visiting days, medication permitting.

The Editor

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