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Almost everyone has an answering machine these days.
Here's some messages to try .... Or maybe NOT!

From Telecom Heritage, Issue 31.

"My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your message and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished."

"Hi. I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, its you."

"Hello. I'm David's answering machine. Now, what are you?"

"Hi. Now you say something."

"Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator speaking. Please talk very slowly and I'll stick your message to my door with one of these little magnets."

"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, roof repairs or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and they have no real estate for sale. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

"Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money."

"Hello. We are unable to come to the phone at the moment. Since you have already paid for this call, why waste it? Just leave us a message."

"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and its safe to leave us a message."

"You have the right to remain silent. But please leave a message anyway. Everything you say will be recorded and used by us."

"Greetings. You have reached the sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want. So at the sound of the tone, please hang up."

"Hello. You have reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now because we are doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right - real slowly. So leave a message, and when we are finished brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you."

(in a bored voice) "Heaven, God speaking."

"This is not an answering machine, this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and the number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

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